the good ol' days

Sometimes I forget how far women have come in such a short period of time. Then I run across vintage advertisements like these. We have it good, ladies.

My husband would love this one. (P.S. Is that Goldie Hawn?)

Well it's nice to know we're good for something.

Vintage domestic violence is charming!Wow! You mean I don't have to use a hammer anymore?
(P.S. It takes talent to match your lipstick to your ketchup)
Now there's a question... What does that have to do with Palmolive?

Some call it Pep; I call it speed.

temptation

Neiman Marcus is the devil. I once innocently went to their web site to enter a sweepstakes, and now I get daily messages in my inbox trying to lead me to temptation with words like "Roberto Cavalli" and "25% off". Normally I laugh in defiance and hit delete before I even open the message. Nice try, Neiman Marcus.

But today. Today was different. Today they said the magic words "Last Call Online Clearance" combined with "Extra 20% Off". Holy mother of God. Try as I did to resist, the force was too great and before I knew it, I was clicking my way through Diane von Furstenburg, Elie Tahari, and Robert Rodriguez dresses and Valentino Mary Janes at (gulp) REASONABLE prices. My lip began to quiver. My hand began to tremble as I scrolled through page after page of awesomeness.

This Dress is by Young Fabulous and Broke. See? It was made for me!

*sigh* *swoon* *whimper*

*droooooooool*

My demon-possessed mouse made its way to one of the dresses and clicked on Shop By Size as I screamed "NOOOOO!" in my head. But as luck would have it, they didn't have my size. The issue that usually plagues me at sales saved me from certain divorce. Ha! Maybe next time, Neiman Marcus.

famous

Yes! I am on two - count 'em - TWO blog rolls now. Thank you to Tootsie Farklepants at Vintage Thirty. I am starting to feel a twinge of validation. And I will continue to maintain my delusion that these genuine bloggers with readers who comment don't simply take pity on me. Admit it...you wish you were me.

texas weather

So it's snowing on Friday, sunny and warm on Saturday and Sunday, and raining cats and dogs on Monday. You throw Daylight Savings Time in there, and apparently it causes my body to implode. I woke up with a head full of snot this morning. So in order to make it to work, I took three different decongestants. Now I have cottonmouth. Aaahhh Mondays. At least I'm having a good hair day.

In other news....

One of my friends (the 1st degree in my four degrees of separation from Creepy MySpace Guy) informed me that neither her nor the other degrees know this dude. Sooo, the friend CMG claimed to know wrote him a nice little message this morning.

As much as I enjoy hearing about your daily activities, I would appreciate it if you didn’t write 2 paragraphs of info on my page. To be honest...for the longest time, I had no clue who in the hell you were, until you started stalking my friends... that’s were I draw the line. I would appreciate it if you discontinue your weekly reminder to myself and MORE IMPORTANTLY... my friends. Good luck with your school and papers. There is no need to respond to this message…

When I read that, I totally applauded him in my head. Hopefully, that will be the end of it. I'm way too old for MySpace drama. Come to think of it, I'm probably too old to have a MySpace page. Dang.

random crap

Y'all, it's snowing. That happens like once every ten years here. But as I was leaving for work this morning and realized that I had no idea how cold or wet it was outside, it made me really thankful. If you have such warm, well-insulated shelter that you had no idea it's been snowing, you are one of the lucky ones.

Okay, enough of that....

I think my blog needs pictures because people never really get over the childish need to have minimal words and lots of pictures. Maybe that'll get me Bloggessed again.

Here. Here's a picture I found awhile back of a real professor at Texas A&M. Why didn't I have this guy??? I bet the cat is named something fancy like "Professor Poppycock" and he carries him wherever he goes and says things like "Would the professor like a saucer of milk?" Meaning both himself and the cat, of course.

return of creepy myspace guy

At the urging of several people, I deleted Creepy MySpace Guy (CMG) from my friends list last night. Since he has 613 friends, I figured he'd never even miss me. But, alas, I have underestimated the creepiness of CMG. This morning, when I logged on, there was a new message and friend request waiting for me! That's right...out of over 600 people, he noticed I was missing. Not only did he ask if he did something wrong, he gave me an itinerary of his weekend in case I wanted to hang out.

THEN I check my friend request. Surely it can't be. But it is. It's him. And attached to it is another message asking what went wrong. My jaw was on the floor. I am completely thrown for a loop. And what's worse is that I actually felt a little guilty for disappointing a complete stranger.

Well done, CMG...well done.

violated

So last night I was at the coffee shop I always complain about. I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment. I walk in, find the last chair next to the last plug, quickly stake my claim, and then make my way to the counter to order...you know, so I'm legitimately using their free wifi. Because that's how I roll.

Once there, I am fortunate enough to be stuck in line behind Weird Employee Guy. Weird Employee Guy (or WEG) is intently studying the menu as if he's Indiana Jones trying to select the Holy Grail. Apparently the fact that he gets an employee discount means that, in his mind, he can't order anything normal. He is overcome by possibility and must explore EVERY mocha-frappa-latte-shot and what each new combination will cost with the discount. Then he switches gears and begins examining the food selection (which by now is very picked over).

So WEG squats to get a closer look at the spinach feta frittata from 10 hours ago and *BAM* I am violated at the sight of the hairiest, foulest flash of buttcrack I've ever witnessed. It was as if my eyes could smell it. I quickly look away, but what has been seen cannot be unseen. While I'm searching for a coffee stirrer to stick in my eye, he leans next to me to check out the selection of syrups and *POW* horrific B.O. slaps me right in the head. My ears start to ring. I begin stumbling back and forth...stars and planets swirling around my head. And then, from somewhere overhead, I hear the voice from Mortal Combat say "Finish Her". And before I know what hits me, WEG reaches over my head to examine a canister of tea and *ZAP* I get a pit stain right to the face.

And all I wanted was a frozen hot chocolate. I hate that place.