Tuesday, March 4, 2008

violated

So last night I was at the coffee shop I always complain about. I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment. I walk in, find the last chair next to the last plug, quickly stake my claim, and then make my way to the counter to order...you know, so I'm legitimately using their free wifi. Because that's how I roll.

Once there, I am fortunate enough to be stuck in line behind Weird Employee Guy. Weird Employee Guy (or WEG) is intently studying the menu as if he's Indiana Jones trying to select the Holy Grail. Apparently the fact that he gets an employee discount means that, in his mind, he can't order anything normal. He is overcome by possibility and must explore EVERY mocha-frappa-latte-shot and what each new combination will cost with the discount. Then he switches gears and begins examining the food selection (which by now is very picked over).

So WEG squats to get a closer look at the spinach feta frittata from 10 hours ago and *BAM* I am violated at the sight of the hairiest, foulest flash of buttcrack I've ever witnessed. It was as if my eyes could smell it. I quickly look away, but what has been seen cannot be unseen. While I'm searching for a coffee stirrer to stick in my eye, he leans next to me to check out the selection of syrups and *POW* horrific B.O. slaps me right in the head. My ears start to ring. I begin stumbling back and forth...stars and planets swirling around my head. And then, from somewhere overhead, I hear the voice from Mortal Combat say "Finish Her". And before I know what hits me, WEG reaches over my head to examine a canister of tea and *ZAP*
I get a pit stain right to the face.

And all I wanted was a frozen hot chocolate. I hate that place.

2 comments:

Melissa said...

ewwwwwwww!!! Hahahaha that was lovely, no really, I mean I loved this entry, b.o. buttcrack and all.. I saw the beauty of it, hehehe.

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