Sunday, September 30, 2007


Just got back from the conference last night. The theme this weekend was "Amazing Freedom", which was a theme that really spoke to me.

I feel so bound up by my life and my circumstances sometimes. It's like my hands are always tied. I'm constantly trying to change things in my life so that I don't have to rely on other people, and I can regain some sense of control. I think that's because I crave freedom so badly. I never quite thought of it in those terms, but that's what it boils down to.

But I learned this weekend that freedom does not come from the things around you; it comes from within. It comes from God. So even though my situation may not change the way I want it to, God gives me the freedom to let it all go and have peace. When people disappoint me or anger me or let me down, I can choose to be upset and throw a myself pity party, or I can hand it over and let Him deal with it.

Not letting the world control you...that is freedom.

Friday, September 28, 2007


I'm leaving town with mom and friend this afternoon for the Women of Faith Conference. Friend and I are in desperate need of a girl's weekend. We've been looking forward to this trip for months! Not only are we ready for some spiritual therapy, we are ready for some retail therapy too! Look out Highland Village!

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Last night at book club, we got on the subject of journals and writing down what you're thankful for. As much as I whine about my life, I thought that was a really good idea. After all, as nutty as it is, I have a pretty dang good life.

I complain about my squeaky, gas-guzzling SUV all the time. But it has never broken down (although the service engine light came on this morning, so that may change), it's only four years old, and it gets me where I'm going.

Although my house has been in half-remodeled limbo for a year (and I stood in Target staring at the Halloween decorations feeling sorry for myself the other night because I couldn't decorate for Halloween), at least I have a house! It doesn't even leak or have cracks in the foundation. And it's in a beautiful neighborhood. And even though our neighbors are snotty because they think we're renters, they're not trying to rob us or anything.

And what about my two jobs? I'm always complaining about how stressed I am because I have two jobs. But guess what - I have two jobs! And, in both cases, they sought me out because of my reputation and expertise. They wanted me and have bent over backwards to accommodate me. For the first several years out of college, I had to beg people to hire me. I need to remember that.

And then there's hubby. I'm crazy about hubby. And even if I don't always show it, I am thankful for him. Even though it's been a tough year and I don't see him much, he is working hard for the both of us. And guess what - on the list of things I wanted in a husband, ambition was one of them. So how can I complain about how ambitious he is? Would I rather have a husband that sits on the couch in his underwear eating cheese doodles and watching "Cops"? No. Plus, because of what I do in BOTH of my two jobs, I get to help him promote his business. So we help each other out.

So there you go. Just a few of the many things I have to be thankful for. Now maybe I should print this out and tape it to all the surfaces in my home, office, and car :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

the simple things

When your life is as busy as mine, you start to appreciate little things you used to take for granted.

For instance, last night I actually got to eat dinner with my husband...alone...facing each a restaurant. Then, I got to go to the grocery store! No wait; it gets better! I even got to go to the gym! And then...wait for it....paint my nails!! I almost had to pinch myself.

Hubby left this afternoon for a four day trip to go to some more nerd conferences. He always comes back recharged and in a good mood, so I guess I am okay with it :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

talk to me!!

You would think as someone gains experience, they would become better at something, right? Apparently not so! I have been writing articles and doing interviews for said articles for about six years now. And until I took on this freelance writing gig, I have never once had issues getting people to agree to an interview.

It would be one thing if they would just tell me they were busy from the get-go so that I could find someone else and be done with it. But no, they have to say something along the lines of "Well, I'm pretty busy this week, but let's meet at X time." Then they postpone or don't call back or tell you to email the questions and then never email you back. Do they do this to the other publications in town? I don't want to take this personally, but man! I am just trying to give them some free publicity, and you'd think I was scheduling them for a root canal!

Now don't get me wrong, some people have been great. They jump at the chance to be heard, and they give me as much information as possible. They've even been accommodating to my weird schedule (I can only do interviews around my lunch break and after 5:30 because of my regular job). But without the people who keep giving me the runaround, I can't FINISH the article and, therefore, I can't get PAID which is the whole reason I'm doing this!! Vicious circle.

Monday, September 24, 2007


Yesterday, the sermon was about wrestling with God (Genesis 18). Not wrestling in the physical sense; it's when your prayers basically boil down to one word: "why?" That hit close to home with me.

In the last year, there have been a lot of those one-word prayers for me - more than at any other time in my life. Sometimes you think you've done everything right, and everything still goes wrong. Life just keep lobbing curve balls at you. When that happens, it's easy to just shake your fist at God and say "why?".

But if there's one thing I have learned from feeling that way, it's that when I hand it all over to Him, not only do things start to work out but I get a feeling of peace. I'm not stressing out as much. There aren't clumps of hair clogging my drain. My skin isn't breaking out. Someone can do something that would normally make me come unglued. Instead, I shake it off.

I'd love to be able to say that I do that all the time, but the fact is, it usually takes me having a meltdown before I tell God to take over. You'd think I would have learned by now.

Friday, September 21, 2007


Growing up, I was painfully shy. I don't know why. It may just be part of being an introvert. The point is that, although I'm still a little shy, I'm MUCH better than I used to be. I may not be a good conversation starter, but I am a good conversation maintainer. Plus, I've always just enjoyed listening to the conversation. If I have something to contribute, I will. But I won't talk just to talk. I've always liked the Mark Twain quote, "It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."

Where am I going with this?

As I have gotten older, I have noticed that it seems to be socially acceptable to be rude to shy people. People have no qualms about saying things like "You never talk", "You don't say anything" or "Why are you so quiet?" in an accusing tone of voice. When those comments are directed at me, it flusters me and causes me to retreat even further into my shell. It seems counterproductive. Shy people don't like to be the center of attention.

Once I happened upon that idea, it made me start thinking about why people think it's okay to be so snotty. I do have a theory. First, I think people who talk a lot are uncomfortable around shy people because they don't know what they're thinking. Often people who talk incessantly (these are the most common offenders of said faux pas) are insecure, and they want verbal validation. If one person isn't responding as much as everyone else, they react as though you're mentally critiquing them in your head and are preparing to point out their shortcomings on your blog. (Maybe I am! ha ha!)

However, the reason for this behavior may be even simpler than that. Extroverts don't really "get" introverts. I know because I live with one. It boggles his mind when I'd rather spend Saturday night at home in my pajamas watching movies than going out with a group of 40 to a loud bar or club. I'd rather go on a road trip with just him or a close group of four people than a big group of twenty. And he's one of those people who is bothered by my quietness. It's a wonder he stuck around for a second date. Our first date was a blind date and it was essentially me and three strangers: hubby, his best friend, and his best friend's girlfriend. An introvert's nightmare.

Anyway, if you have shy people in your life, please try not to call them out on it. They know they're shy. It's like telling an octogenarian that they're old. It's rude, and it doesn't accomplish anything.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

stability...or the lack thereof

Maybe I grew up spoiled, but I was raised with an incredible sense of stability. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for that. I think that can definitely be a positive thing; kids need stability.

But what happens when, at age 23, you graduate college, get married, get a job, and you're thrown out of the protective incubator to which you've grown accustomed? You're no longer living with people who have steady jobs, all of their finances in order, and always provide you with a fresh supply of Aggie Bucks; you are living with someone who is just as clueless as you are about the whole "grown-up" thing. It often looks like two drowning people frantically pulling each other under water.

God and I have had a lot of conversations (and by conversations I mean me whining a lot) about how, just when I think I have things figured out, the rug gets pulled out from under me. When you're in your twenties, particularly late twenties, you feel this need to find out who you're supposed to be for the rest of your life. There's this understated pressure to have the next 30 years mapped out.

But when a person who thrives on stability marries an entrepreneur, stability junkie is constantly flipping out. Things change daily - no hourly - no secondly (is that a word?). But God likes to take us out of our comfort zones so that we can grow, so I am pretty sure He planned it this way. He sure does have a sense of humor.

Monday, September 17, 2007

me? a blogger?

I didn't think I was narcissistic enough to be a blogger, but apparently I am (no offense to other bloggers). Actually, I think it has more to do with the fact that there is so much is going on in my life I feel the need to write down my thoughts so I can process everything. That's just my introverted nature I guess. Why I am doing that in front of God and everybody - well - I guess that's my narcissistic side. But hopefully you'll enjoy reading my self-indulgent ramblings anyway.