Monday, March 31, 2008

big announcement

Thanks to my talented hubby, my blog has a new home on my new website. So please update your bookmark if you have one, and visit my blog's pretty new digs. Hope to see you there!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Lately, I have noticed that I have been getting upset over little things and stewing over them for days. This isn't a typical "me" behavior. I am a pushover fairly laid back and can tolerate an enormous amount of BS. I won't say I don't get annoyed easily, but give me five minutes or distract me with a cookie, and I'm over it.

One of these incidents happened on Easter at a local eating establishment. Now, in our town, everyone goes out to eat. That's just the way it is. No matter how many restaurants we get, there will always be a 30-45 minute wait on any given Sunday at lunch - minimum. We knew Easter would be especially chaotic, so Hubby and I went to the restaurant early to stake out a table and wait for my parents. We may have jumped the gun a bit when we told them that mi familia was "right behind us" so that they would seat an incomplete party. It was 11:45, and they usually don't even leave church until 12:15. Consequently, we sat at our table for quite some time before they showed up. We were seated in one of those areas where restaurants like to crowd in as many free-standing tables as possible. This particular table was wedged in between the wall and two other tables, so no one had an exorbitant amount of elbow room or aisle space.

Along comes a family who is to be seated at the table that was squeezed in between the corner and the wall. Suddenly, I hear "can you move you seat forward?", and before I have a chance, I feel my chair being forcefully moved forward for me and my stomach being shoved into the table. I have to admit I was pretty shocked that someone found it socially acceptable to shove a stranger's chair. The perpetrator was a sulky, hefty girl in her twenties. Hubby seemed pretty surprised too, but he tried to diffuse my irritation by pointing out how all the women at the table looked like angry, unhappy people.

Soon my parents arrived, and we had a nice - albeit cozy - meal. While we were enjoying some after-dinner conversation, angry family got up, and without saying a word, sulky, hefty girl actually LIFTED UP the back of my chair and pushed it forward, squeezing me into the table like an orange into a juicer. I said before, I am usually not one to get provoked, but I was ready to throw down. It took all the class I could muster to just sit there and not stand up, grab my chair, and bust it over the back of her head Jerry Springer style. But because I am a classy broad, (or at least try to act like one) I remained glued to my seat.

For the next two days, I could not stop being mad about this. And it made me mad that I let this girl make me mad. Why did I care so much? Why couldn't I just forget about it? I think I've finally figured it out, and it all stems back to my adolescence. No, no - stick with me.

Sulky, hefty girl reminds me of the girls who used to bully me in junior high. Granted, I looked like this...
but who isn't awkward at that age? Because I remember all the times that the ringleader, Cynthia, would be mean to me for no reason (like the time I accidentally sat in "her seat" on the bus, and she came up and said, "you've got five seconds to get up before I start punching") and how angry and helpless I felt, I guess that older me still has an urge to protect young, awkward me.

It's amazing how those humiliating experiences from your formative years can stick with you into adulthood. I am nothing like the insecure kid I was; however, I still have a scary amount of anger built up in me from 15 years ago. It's not like I was the only kid that those girls picked on, but at the time, it sure did feel like it. I guess I'll have to just take solace in the fact that those girls behaved the way they did was because of their own insecurity. It's just one big vicious circle.

Monday, March 24, 2008

never boring

Y'all would be so proud of an attempt to actually make my life easier, I've scaled back my commitments. I refrained from joining ABWA, I'm almost done with my provisional year in Junior League, I stopped volunteering at the hospital, and...drum roll...I'm down to ONE job now! (bows)

Now here's why: in less than two weeks, hubby and I will be living in two different locations. He will be coming home on the weekends to work on the house doing electrical, plumbing, hanging doors, building furniture, laying flooring...pretty much everything, and during the week, I'll be priming, painting and caulking 'cause that's about all I can do. What can I say? He's freaking Bob Vila.

On Saturday, hubby and my dad built a new wall and rewired the living room while my mom and I did yard work and stripped the wallpaper in the master bath and the kitchen. After a year and a half of living here, it's cool to see so much progress being made on the house.

Hubby and I always knew we work better under a deadline. Paying rent in Dallas and a mortgage here until we finish and sell the house has proven to be quite the motivator. Just another example of how our lives are never boring. But I'm having fun!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


When I was a child, kids always played around the neighborhood without being under the watchful eye of a parent. We had been taught about Stranger Danger and Just Say No. We knew not to help some random guy find his lost puppy or let him touch us in our "bathing suit area".

Now it seems like parents are more cautious than ever. People use cell phones with tracking devices to keep tabs on their children. We have police posing as children to catch online predators. The fear of pedophilia is rampant. Chris Hanson is a household name.

So someone to explain something to me. For the love of God....why do I see these everywhere?

Parents are telling kids over and over not to give out their personal information their MySpace page...and lo and behold, mom is broadcasting it in the parking lot of the HEB.

Meanwhile at the little league field, Sleazy Steve walks up to number 21 and says "Hey, Alex. My name is Steve. I'm a friend of your mom's. She asked me to come pick you up. I have candy."

Monday, March 17, 2008

new chapter

Well, I guess it's official: I'm entering a new chapter in my life. I am moving to a new town. I know, right?

Those who know me well know that I've lived in this town my whole life and that my family has been here since the dawn of time. But those same people also know that I've been itching to leave since college graduation.

It's not that I don't love this town and the people who are in it. It''s several things. First, I haven't gotten to experience living anywhere else. Sure there was that summer internship at Texas Monthly in Austin, but that felt more like an extended vacation. It was only two and a half months; I don't think that counts.

Also, my field of study isn't exactly valued here. Neither is hubby's for that matter. Our town isn't what you'd call technologically advanced. It's definitely getting better, but it's not there yet. People still design their brochures with Pagemaker or even--God forbid--Microsoft Word. People still think Dreamweaver is cutting edge. In the meantime, we're working like dogs to make ends meet because of the dismal pay scale. So it's difficult to ignore the fact that we could be living very comfortably in a bigger city doing less work.

Finally, for a long time now, I've felt like I was waiting for my life to start. Sure I had finished college, gotten married, and entered the work force, but because I'd never left, mentally I hadn't "graduated" yet. Maybe this is what I was waiting for. Maybe it isn't. But it's going to be a new experience, and I am excited about that.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


After yesterday's post, The Bloggess mentioned the following Tab ad from the 60s, so I had to check it out. Revel in its awesomeness. all I ever had to do to keep hubby's attention is drink Tab? Dang. To think of all those hours I wasted at the gym. Let that be a lesson to you, Silda Wall Spitzer. None of this would've happened if you'd been drinking your Tab.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

the good ol' days

Sometimes I forget how far women have come in such a short period of time. Then I run across vintage advertisements like these. We have it good, ladies.

My husband would love this one. (P.S. Is that Goldie Hawn?)

Well it's nice to know we're good for something.

Vintage domestic violence is charming!Wow! You mean I don't have to use a hammer anymore?
(P.S. It takes talent to match your lipstick to your ketchup)

Now there's a question... What does that have to do with Palmolive?

Some call it Pep; I call it speed.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Neiman Marcus is the devil. I once innocently went to their web site to enter a sweepstakes, and now I get daily messages in my inbox trying to lead me to temptation with words like "Roberto Cavalli" and "25% off". Normally I laugh in defiance and hit delete before I even open the message. Nice try, Neiman Marcus.

But today. Today was different. Today they said the magic words "Last Call Online Clearance" combined with "Extra 20% Off". Holy mother of God. Try as I did to resist, the force was too great and before I knew it, I was clicking my way through Diane von Furstenburg, Elie Tahari, and Robert Rodriguez dresses and Valentino Mary Janes at (gulp) REASONABLE prices. My lip began to quiver. My hand began to tremble as I scrolled through page after page of awesomeness.

This Dress is by Young Fabulous and Broke. See? It was made for me!

*sigh* *swoon* *whimper*


My demon-possessed mouse made its way to one of the dresses and clicked on Shop By Size as I screamed "NOOOOO!" in my head. But as luck would have it, they didn't have my size. The issue that usually plagues me at sales saved me from certain divorce. Ha! Maybe next time, Neiman Marcus.


Yes! I am on two - count 'em - TWO blog rolls now. Thank you to Tootsie Farklepants at Vintage Thirty. I am starting to feel a twinge of validation. And I will continue to maintain my delusion that these genuine bloggers with readers who comment don't simply take pity on me. Admit wish you were me.

Monday, March 10, 2008

texas weather

So it's snowing on Friday, sunny and warm on Saturday and Sunday, and raining cats and dogs on Monday. You throw Daylight Savings Time in there, and apparently it causes my body to implode. I woke up with a head full of snot this morning. So in order to make it to work, I took three different decongestants. Now I have cottonmouth. Aaahhh Mondays. At least I'm having a good hair day.

In other news....

One of my friends (the 1st degree in my four degrees of separation from Creepy MySpace Guy) informed me that neither her nor the other degrees know this dude. Sooo, the friend CMG claimed to know wrote him a nice little message this morning.
As much as I enjoy hearing about your daily activities, I would appreciate it if you didn’t write 2 paragraphs of info on my page. To be honest...for the longest time, I had no clue who in the hell you were, until you started stalking my friends... that’s were I draw the line. I would appreciate it if you discontinue your weekly reminder to myself and MORE IMPORTANTLY... my friends. Good luck with your school and papers. There is no need to respond to this message…
When I read that, I totally applauded him in my head. Hopefully, that will be the end of it. I'm way too old for MySpace drama. Come to think of it, I'm probably too old to have a MySpace page. Dang.

Friday, March 7, 2008

random crap

Y'all, it's snowing. That happens like once every ten years here. But as I was leaving for work this morning and realized that I had no idea how cold or wet it was outside, it made me really thankful. If you have such warm, well-insulated shelter that you had no idea it's been snowing, you are one of the lucky ones.

Okay, enough of that....

I think my blog needs pictures because people never really get over the childish need to have minimal words and lots of pictures. Maybe that'll get me Bloggessed again.

Here. Here's a picture I found awhile back of a real professor at Texas A&M. Why didn't I have this guy??? I bet the cat is named something fancy like "Professor Poppycock" and he carries him wherever he goes and says things like "Would the professor like a saucer of milk?" Meaning both himself and the cat, of course.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

return of creepy myspace guy

At the urging of several people, I deleted Creepy MySpace Guy (CMG) from my friends list last night. Since he has 613 friends, I figured he'd never even miss me. But, alas, I have underestimated the creepiness of CMG. This morning, when I logged on, there was a new message and friend request waiting for me! That's right...out of over 600 people, he noticed I was missing. Not only did he ask if he did something wrong, he gave me an itinerary of his weekend in case I wanted to hang out.

THEN I check my friend request. Surely it can't be. But it is. It's him. And attached to it is another message asking what went wrong.
My jaw was on the floor. I am completely thrown for a loop. And what's worse is that I actually felt a little guilty for disappointing a complete stranger.

Well done, CMG...well done.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


So last night I was at the coffee shop I always complain about. I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment. I walk in, find the last chair next to the last plug, quickly stake my claim, and then make my way to the counter to know, so I'm legitimately using their free wifi. Because that's how I roll.

Once there, I am fortunate enough to be stuck in line behind Weird Employee Guy. Weird Employee Guy (or WEG) is intently studying the menu as if he's Indiana Jones trying to select the Holy Grail. Apparently the fact that he gets an employee discount means that, in his mind, he can't order anything normal. He is overcome by possibility and must explore EVERY mocha-frappa-latte-shot and what each new combination will cost with the discount. Then he switches gears and begins examining the food selection (which by now is very picked over).

So WEG squats to get a closer look at the spinach feta frittata from 10 hours ago and *BAM* I am violated at the sight of the hairiest, foulest flash of buttcrack I've ever witnessed. It was as if my eyes could smell it. I quickly look away, but what has been seen cannot be unseen. While I'm searching for a coffee stirrer to stick in my eye, he leans next to me to check out the selection of syrups and *POW* horrific B.O. slaps me right in the head. My ears start to ring. I begin stumbling back and forth...stars and planets swirling around my head. And then, from somewhere overhead, I hear the voice from Mortal Combat say "Finish Her". And before I know what hits me, WEG reaches over my head to examine a canister of tea and *ZAP*
I get a pit stain right to the face.

And all I wanted was a frozen hot chocolate. I hate that place.

Monday, March 3, 2008


I have to admit I was not ready for this bit of stunning stupidity this afternoon.

Creating a massive fire to protect the environment is like killing to abolish the death penalty. What's worse is that the homebuilders were actually trying to use green building practices. Regular terrorists aren't enough; we need eco-terrorists too! Way to go, ELF!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

to creepy myspace guy

Dear Creepy MySpace Guy,

I appreciate the enthusiasm with which you've pursued a friendship with me. It's admirable that you'd want to be my BFF when you've never even met me, simply because you know the guy who is marrying a friend who I met through another friend. I accepted your friend request because of your seemingly normal "Hi, how's it going? I'm an Aggie too." But that was months ago. And although you initially recognized that I am a stranger...and a married one at that, you have since level-jumped your way to inviting me to tailgate parties, hanging out at The Chicken, and even attending the occasional house party...each time punctuating your messages with YEE HAWs, GIG EMs, and OOH DOGGIEs. You'd think that my utter silence in response to your messages would help you to realize my complete lack of interest in being your drinking buddy, but alas, you're oblivious. So aside from spelling it out for you in this post, how else can I make myself clear? Help me help you.


Saturday, March 1, 2008

the apocalypse

I've voluntarily shopped on Black Friday at 6:30 am. I've braved the mall the morning of December 26th. I've even volunteered at Food Pantry Thanksgiving Basket distribution. But nothing...nothing....could prepare me for Junior League Bargain Blitz this morning.

My shift was to begin promptly at 8 am, so I peeled myself out of bed at about 7:40, threw on my red JL shirt, and drove to the community center. I should've been prepared when I saw the line of salivating scavengers stretched down the sidewalk, to the street, and halfway through the enormous parking lot - itching for the doors to open. But somehow I didn't fully grasp what was in store. I entered through the loading dock, put on my beautiful red Bargain Blitz smock, and awaited instruction. I was told that I would be a "floater". Gross name, but apparently a coveted job. All I was supposed to do was wander around and pick up items that had fallen on the floor, rehang clothes, clean up spills or broken glass. Fine. Sounds lovely.

So off I went to the middle of the clothing section and waited. Suddenly I heard a JL lady yell, "The doors are open!" It was the tone of her voice that worried me. It was less an informative statement, and more as if she were warning us of the impending apocalypse. Then there was a rumble...the ground began to vibrate...and through the double doors came a tsunami of half-crazed bargain hunters. It was like watching a stampede of spooked cattle. Women in their sixties were running over small children to stake their claim on a crappy "Hoppy Easter" wall hanging in Seasonal that cost 75 cents. A band of old women on Rascals busted through the Housewares like the Hell's Angels, tossing random knick-knacks in their baskets and knocking down everything in their path. Two granola hippies in Crocs were playing tug-of-war with a Tae-Bo video. I dove under the table, curled up into a ball, and began rocking back and forth with my eyes closed trying to find my happy place.

It wasn't long until one of the Blitz committee members found me and asked me to help in check out. Reluctantly, I left my post and bear-crawled my way to the check out area. I was immediately flagged down by the lady holding down the line to check out. And by "line" I mean rabid mob. "Can you hold the line while I go take some pictures?" she asked sweetly. I told her I was not the best choice for crowd control; I was much better at taking pictures. I was serious. She just laughed. *Disclaimer: for those who don't know me, I am 5'4", about 125 lbs., and physically can't raise my voice above a murmur. I am about as intimidating as a girl scout.

So there I was, trying to herd the mob one person at a time to each of the five check out lines in an orderly, non-violent fashion. The check out girls watched in horror as the mob began to crowd me and pull me under, like Jaws. One lumbering boob was apparently standing behind me as I tried to determine who was next and finally craned his ugly mug over my head to make me aware of his presence. I said, "I'm sorry sir, but there are a lot of people here. I can't tell what order you're in if you're behind me." He and his wife complained to one of the overwhelmed committee members that I was rude to them. They seemed to care tremendously. Firing me from Junior League was moved to the top of their priority list right above cleaning up the pool of blood, teeth, and cheap hair extensions in Childrens' Toys. Morons.

Anycrap, about 11:30, I directed the last person to the last cashier. It was over. I survived. The cashiers and I looked at each other and laughed. "It's never been that bad before!" they all said. I'm just lucky I guess. It was then that I realized: that lady ditched me! Taking pictures...whatever. She's officially on my list.

So this is what I learned today: Bargain Blitz will never be my placement, I will never be coerced to do crowd control again, and next year I'm bringing a taser.


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

this just in...

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. As you might've guessed from my last post, I've been a little busy.

But I'm feeling all special today because one of my favorite bloggers, who has a real live blog that people read, pretended to like me enough to not only comment on my sad little blog (something that even my friends who read this thing barely do) but add me as a stalker - I mean friend - on Facebook.

See Jenny? You got Kawasakied; I got Bloggessed. It's the circle of life. Thanks for making me feel validated.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jennifer and I'm an overcommiter...

I never meant for this problem to get so out of hand. I started off just getting Second Job to help pay the bills. I mean, after all, they came to me. I wasn't looking for another job. Then I was asked to join Junior League. Seems harmless enough. I mean, it's not like there's something going on every night.

Then my former employer begged me to become an ambassador for the Chamber of Commerce because, well, I know everything there is to know about the Chamber. Not to mention, so many of my friends are still involved. Boss 1 and 2 think it's a great program and they're paying for it...why not!

Then a friend in Junior League asked me to write a couple of articles for a local magazine. Well, okay, maybe just a couple. It's not like I'll do this every month. And she did ask really nicely. Oh and you want me to take over planning our 10 year high school reunion? Well, I am one of the few who still live here... and I do have a lot of helpful contacts here. Sounds fun!

I knew I had hit rock bottom today when I found myself seriously considering using vacation days from First Job to meet my deadlines for Second and Third Job. I closed the door to my office, curled up in the fetal position, and cried like a little girl.

Monday, February 11, 2008

sore back

It seems like I am perpetually loaded down like a pack mule - no matter where I go.

Most people at my office are walking in the door empty-handed. I walk in balancing a purse, a camera case, a notebook, a McDonald's bag, a drink and an extra set of keys...all the while gingerly wobbling on heels in the 45-degree-angled parking lot.

When I come home and walk in the door, I'm usually carrying the purse, the keys, the notebook, maybe some groceries, sometimes dinner for two in a sack, a couple of drinks...and I'm still in heels.

Even at the gym, where you're supposed to be empty-handed, I walk in with my phone, both sets of keys, my IPod, and my hoodie.

Maybe I need to consolidate...or maybe this is just a sign that I am a little too much of a multitasker.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


As I mentioned in a previous blog post, gyms sick me out. It isn't as if I'm a complete germaphobe, but think about it: hundreds of sweaty people sitting on the same equipment with their sweaty butts day after day.

And how 'bout those yoga mats....*shudder*? You don't even have to use your imagination on that one. I once went to an Extreme Abs class right after a yoga class. Without a care in the world, I picked up a mat, set it down, laid in the crunch position, and heard a squish. The mat was actually still wet. UGHHH! Needless to say, I tossed the mat and used the hardwood floor.

My gym has started offering disinfectant to wipe down equipment with, and I've taken advantage. And what I witnessed yesterday was just a reminder why. While I was stretching, I noticed a woman wandering around who was obviously new to the gym. First of all, she was wearing Crocs, which should never be worn at all - much less as athletic footwear. Second, she was examining each piece of the circuit training equipment as if it were an exhibit in an art museum. She finally found a machine that didn't completely befuddle her, so she decided to give it a whirl. So what was the first thing she did? SHE KICKED OFF HER SHOES! That's right. She was using the equipment barefooted. I threw up a little in my mouth.

Hey, I'm not the only one who thinks gyms are gross...Newsweek just did a story on it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


I don't want to jinx it, but I think I might've remedied whatever ailment what coming on yesterday. After work, I didn't go to the gym as usual because, if you're trying to avoid germs, the gym is the last place you need to be. In fact, the gym totally sicks me out - but that's another post.

Instead, I did laundry and tried to catch up on reading. In theory, this book should be enthralling. It's about the Galveston hurricane of 1900, which fascinates me. However, Erik Larson has a knack for getting off task. His English teacher never told him to "write tight". So just about the time he started rambling on about Christopher Columbus (I KID YOU NOT!), I was out like a light.

I slept for about two and a half hours until my cell phone rang. It was hubby wondering why I was Idle on Google Talk (he wanted my opinion on web design). I was so utterly confused that I started mumbling something about "everything is everywhere". I remember being quite offended that hubby had no clue what I was talking about, and he was asking me to clarify my lethargic gibberish. After all, I knew what I meant.

I finally woke up long enough to finish my laundry and learn about Michael Jackson's troubled childhood on E! and then I was off to bed. I think the 10 hours of sleep really helped. I'm no longer congested, and I only hit snooze 3 times this morning.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I can feel it coming on...and there's nothing I can do about it. Boss 1 is out sick, two brokers are out sick, my remaining co-workers are projecting a refrain of coughs and throat-clearing all over the office. I hear phlegm everywhere I go. It sounds like a flock of geese have taken over the company. I just want to shut my door and aim a can of Lysol at anyone who dares to enter. I've been sneezing the last two days, which I've blamed on allergies. Now I think it could be something more. Either way, I keep slathering myself with Purell.

Friday, January 25, 2008


I apologize that I haven't written anything new in so long. I have been genuinely scatterbrained since the start of the new year. Fortunately, despite my harried and forgetful demeanor, life is still going better than it has in a long time. This year has already been exponentially better than last.

However, I still have been in a blah mood, even though I don't have very many reasons to be blah. I have to blame it on the weather. This constant cold, drizzly mess we've been wandering around in for the past two weeks is making everyone crabby. I haven't even wanted to drag myself to the gym - something I usually look forward to at the end of the day. I just want to spend the day curled up on the couch under two blankets watching movies.

Saturday, January 5, 2008


Maybe I should give up on the coffee shop thing because, for some reason, today I'm attracting toddlers. When I got here about 45 minutes ago, there was hardly a soul in here. Now, I am surrounded by three families with four active toddlers. And I didn't even pray for patience today.
Maybe some people can write an article to the sounds of screeching, but I am not one of them. Maybe I should've borrowed hubby's noise-cancelling headphones. I realize that I have a quiet house to work in, but is it so wrong to want to leave the house?
Ah the fun continues. Now Chubby Girl Reading Tabloids on the Couch is having a phone conversation with her ex-boyfriend about his web of lies. And two giggly college girls are busy critiquing brides in wedding magazines and chatting about the latest episode of "Girls Next Door". Now one girls' cell phone is going off. It's her mother calling to discuss things she accidently left at home during Christmas break. No I didn't even see the James Avery box, mom! Suddenly the toddlers don't seem quite so annoying.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

happy new year

So we've officially started another new year. The years seem to go by a lot faster than they used to. I guess for a long time I was always in such a hurry for the next big thing, that I couldn't wait for another year to pass.

The whole time I was in grade school, I just couldn't wait to be one grade older. The next grade held more privileges, more prestige, more freedom. In college, one more year meant I was one year closer to being done with school and moving on with my life. Had I known what the real world is actually like, I might've savored my college experience a little more.

Now that I am in the real world, a new year really just means that there is an opportunity for change. When I was younger, everything was pretty much mapped out for me. There was little question about where I would be in a year. I'd be one grade higher doing the same extra-curricular activities with the same friends I'd had since elementary school. But now when I look back at the last five years, I see how drastically things seem to change from year to year, and the possibilities seem endless. That can be something to look forward to, but really it's pretty scary too.

So only God knows what 2008 will bring. By the end of the year, I could have another job or even own my own business. I could be in new organizations surrounded by new friends. I could be in another house in another town. Believe me - I tried the whole mapping out my future thing, and what I learned is that God is the one in control - not me. So I guess I'll just go along for the ride.